Breathe

 A Year of Living

You know when you feel like you’re drowning and somehow you reach the surface and the first big gulp of air that you take in? 2022 felt like that. It felt like that much needed deep breath that I needed after the last two years.

The pandemic was filled with uncertainties and fear, life felt like it was in a lag. This year was the much-needed push and in the right direction. Now I don’t mean that I achieved a lot or did everything that I wanted to do, hell I made TWO watercolour paintings this year. Two. I didn’t play the piano enough or paint enough or sing enough. I didn’t work-out as much as I wanted to or excel at work. But this year was what I needed to feel alive again and that was enough.

Taking almost a month off and travelling again, discovering myself in new places, meeting family and friends without being six feet apart or wearing masks, having my husband and loved ones finally meet after four long years, hosting my parents in my home for the first time, celebrating my parent’s milestone 50^th anniversary, travelling with my parents, travelling with my girlfriends, witnessing my all-time favourite band Westlife - LIVE, witnessing the magic that was Coldplay, castle weddings, dancing with my husband even if it was for a few seconds, having my husband throw me the best ever surprise, completing 10 years of Confetti, doing one of my biggest projects with a fractured toe, reading books again – this year has been all about moments and memories and exactly what I needed after the feeling of isolation in the last two years.

At the beginning of this year, I read a book called The Archer by Paulo Coelho.
And there were a few things I learnt from the book that I would like to share with you all.

In the book, the famous archer teaches you about the different aspects of archery. In one chapter, he talks about the bow, and I want to quote him here.

“The arrow will leave one day.

The target is a long way off.

But the bow will stay with you, and you must know how to look after it.

It requires periods of inaction—a bow that is always armed and braced loses its strength. Therefore, allow it to rest, to recover its firmness; then, when you draw the bowstring, the bow will be content, with all its strength intact.”

I discovered several weaknesses this year, things I had struggled with in the past that seemed a lot clearer now. I don’t have a solution yet but knowing the problem is the first step to fixing it. This year has taught me acceptance – to not run away from my problems but to accept them and patiently work on them. To not hurry or pressurize myself to fix the problem, but to be kind to myself and allow myself time to look for a proper solution instead of simply applying a band aid to it.To take one thing at a time and spend time on it.

This year, I decided to slow down instead of running the rat race. I allowed myself moments of not feeling guilty when I didn’t do anything the entire day or didn’t meet my goals. And this is something I hope to carry forward into the years to come. To allow myself time to breathe in the moment, instead of just jumping on to the next exciting thing. To take time to smell the flowers and to soak in the sunset.

In the book, he also talks about Allies.

“Your allies will not necessarily be the kind of dazzling people to whom everyone looks up to and of whom they say: “There’s none better.” On the contrary, they are people who are not afraid of making mistakes and who do, therefore, make mistakes, which is why their work often goes unrecognized. Yet they are just the kind of people who transform the world and, after many mistakes, manage to do something that can make a real difference in their community.

They are people who can’t bear to sit around waiting for things to happen in order to decide which attitude to adopt; they decide as they act, well aware that this could prove highly dangerous.”

This year, I wrote in my journal – I will be courageous. I felt like I wasn’t taking enough risks in life, that I was letting fear dictate my decisions. As the year progressed, I was faced with many tough decisions. The old me would have probably said no to the opportunities. So instead of saying no, I decided to say yes. Even if it meant I failed or made mistakes, but I said yes. And saying yes paid off. If nothing else, I grew. I learnt. And that was enough.

After a long time, I am genuinely excited to face the new year. To the possibilities and opportunities that life has in store. I’m grateful for being surrounded by people who love me, who support me. And I’m grateful to be surrounded by people who inspire me every day. I hope to put to action everything that 2022 has taught me.

2023, I can’t wait.