A Year of Learning

Repost of an old note from 2011.

"People get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We're always thinking that someday we'll get happy - like when we'll get that car or that job or that person in our lives who'll fix everything. But happiness is a mood or condition, not a destination. It's like being tired or hungry. It's not permanent. It comes and goes, and that's okay. And I guess if people thought of it that way they'd find happiness a lot more often!"

And happiness I found.

It’s 30th December and it still doesn’t feel like the year is about to end. Though 2011, what a year it’s been. Very simply put, this year has been one of growing. I wouldn’t jot down anything to be a regret, for it has helped me find myself.

When I think back on this year, two very significant moments stand out. One is my association with Make A Difference (MAD) and two, is my trip to Europe. (A small note - A few months ago when I came across my bucket list for 2010 - yes 2010, not 2011 - two things mentioned among the ten were - Visit Greece and Teach at an Orphanage). 

MAD has come to become a big part of my life. When I was recruited in February, I didn’t have a clue about how much I’d come to love being a part of it. The children and the volunteers have all become more of an extended family, than just an association.  I’ve heard somewhere, that no joy can match the joy of giving. However, through this year I came to realize that while giving you tend to take back a whole lot more. I’m not a lover of children, especially boys. Ask my friends, and they’ll tell you how they’ve decided that when they have kids, I’m not allowed anywhere near them. But the first day at the St. Patrick’s Boys Home, and I knew this was something I was always meant to do.

It wasn’t easy, no. Teaching the boys, just a class of nine students, was more taxing than I thought. Two hours and I’d be completely drained of energy. Though when I’d walk out of the centre, there would be a huge smile on my face. The children may take you for granted, they may not want to study at all, they may be annoyed at you for taking away their TV time but they’ll love with you with all their hearts. Each time I entered the centre, I’d be greeted with the biggest of smiles and constant chants of ‘HI Pooja akka!!’ It was like I could leave all my problems behind and for the next two hours, it was just me and the kids. And that feeling I got each time I could manage to teach them something new – PRICELESS.

Dealing with nine highly energetic boys taught me patience, a virtue I strongly needed. A strong sense of self-worth and a renewed confidence in the person I am came along too. Like I said, I took away a lot more than I gave.

The volunteers at MAD are just that - MAD. They are eccentric, non-judgmental, fun and crazily loving people. They have made my weekends absolutely entertaining and I have found some really good friends in some of them too. This experience would never have been the way it is, if it wasn’t for any of them. From strongly being connected to each other regarding MAD to always being there when anything or anyone was in need, they inculcated in me a new zest for life. MAD has become a big part of my life, and it will always be a part of who I will become in the future. I’m proud to be a part of such an organization.

And then, there was the Euro-trip. Now this trip was totally unlike me. I am a person who likes to plan things, to organize everything, think it over a hundred times, weigh out the pros and cons constantly, make sure everything is in place – and then take the next step. To start with the trip was the result of a casual lets-pretend-everything-we-talk-about-comes-true kind of conversation between my friend Sanjana, and me. We decided that since she’s studying in Germany, we should make a trip around Europe together. It was really more of a joke than a serious conversation. And just like that, I mentioned it to my parents. To my shock and surprise, they agreed.

Suddenly it was all a frenzied chaos of booking tickets, applying for visas, booking hostels online (a concept I was very unfamiliar with), losing and finding passports and planning a vague outline for the trip – within a period of two weeks. Everything was so spontaneous. I didn’t dare get my hopes up, in case something might go wrong. But before I knew it – I was off on a plane to Berlin all by myself. And the next month and half to come had to be one of the best of life.

Right from the time I landed, I felt transported into a fairytale-like world. When Sanjana and I first met in Berlin, we couldn’t believe it ourselves. For almost ten minutes, we didn’t say a word to each other, just sat on our luggage staring at each other. Once we got over the shock, we started a trip that we would come to remember for the rest of our lives. Berlin, Oestrich Winkel, Koln, Paris, Athens, Santorini Island, Rome, Barcelona, Ibiza and London. Each city had its own crazy experience and its own set of amazing people. And GREECE!! This deserves a special mention, because this has been on my top 3 places to visit list for years!!

The fact that we stayed in hostels everywhere, made the trip a whole lot better. We met people from various nations, various cultures and shared our experiences with them. The amount I’ve learnt about humanity and culture from this trip, I wouldn’t have learnt in all my years of Social Science classes in school. We came across such amazing self-less people, met people who we’d never see in our lives again – yet who left a significant mark in our lives and made many a friends for a lifetime too. The nature, the way of life, the history and everything else in the places we visited added to our experience in such a dramatically significant way – I don’t think I’d have the right words to describe them either. In London, I even met family that I’ve been close to for years and I’ve never met in my life. This year had been a first for a lot of things too!

This trip was about finding myself. I cut off from everybody I knew for an entire month and went on to experience a sort of inner peace. I learnt about loving, about forgiveness, about everything happening for a reason. I learnt that happiness is not something that remains forever and that it’s alright. I learnt that pain is going to be a part of your life too (just like everyone else’s), but that it should not be something to hold you down all the time. I came to understand how some people came into my life for a reason, to help me become the person I am. I learnt that everyone has their story, and the sooner you realize that and don’t judge the people around you – the happier you’ll be. I learnt that family is truly worth more than money or gold, something that will mean more to you than anything else in the world.

A significant moment during the trip was when I was lying down in Hyde Park, London and staring up at the bright blue sky trying to make out the cloud shapes. This has always been my idea of ‘my happy place’ and at that moment I felt like I didn’t have a single care in the world. In that moment, I felt this sudden rush of peace within me. Like a feeling that said no matter what, everything was okay and it would be okay in the future too. And from then, until this day – it has been. In retrospect, this trip to Europe helped me realize the value of a lot of things and the meaning of a lot of things, something I can fall back upon if I ever lose my way.

One thing I am very grateful for is my family and friends. The people I met along the way. Without any of you, this journey of 2011 would’ve been incomplete. I would have been incomplete. My close friends who’ve supported me endlessly, put up with my drama, shown me the right path, been there with me when I’ve lost my way and found it – you all mean so much to me and I love each and every one of you. And of course my family, they’ve done much more for me than I can ever do for them and yet they keep giving me more and more. They’ve taught me what unconditional love should be, and I hope I can reach a stage where I’m capable of that too, one day. 

The year of 2011, as you can see has been one of self awareness. About the person I am and the person I am meant to be. I know I’ve made and lost a lot of friends this year, I’ve hurt some people and been hurt too, I’ve cried and laughed, I’ve loved and hated, I’ve made mistakes and learnt from them, I’ve given up and fought for things, I’ve made the first move and I’ve moved on too, I’ve acted like a child and matured too and at the end of the year – all I can say is I’m happy. And that’s all matters to me. So here’s cheering to what 2011 brought to me, expected and unexpected, and hoping that 2012 brings to life, a whole lot more!! A big shout out to everyone who’s been there for me – you guys are the best!!

"And happiness comes to you when you decide to look past the imperfections. When the joy and pain are both a part of you. When you know you've fought the hardest you could. When you forgive others but more importantly yourself. When being alone doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely. When you feel content. But above all, when you feel glad to be alive."

Have an AMAZING NEW YEAR!! :) Cheers!